Bathroom Antics

Mcdonalds Medium black 6-10 (it was overshadowed by the shamrock shake that i also had for breakfast, oops!)

Oh me, oh my
How the time does fly
When im sitting on the loo
Just waiting to... (you know)

In our office, we have one large ladies bathroom and one large mens bathroom. This gives way for some very interesting occurrences.
The Silent Sitter
You know what I'm talking about. The person in the stall that is just a few feet away who is just sitting there. You cant hear anything going on, you wonder if they have passed out. Many times I wonder if they're texting or have a shy bladder. My advice? If you're a silent sitter, do the rest of us a favor and blow your nose or mess with the toilet paper. Your silence is creepy.
The Talker
In a public place, I don't like to chat on the pot. I don't need to try and talk over the sound of you "going number 1". In fact, I'm trying so hard not to laugh about the fact that your trying to talk and pee at the same time that I have no clue what you're saying. There is a sense of accomplishment one feels after having a non-ceasing conversation that can with withstand all distractions. However, I really could go with out feeling that efficient most days.
The Stall Spacer
How many times have you gone into the bathroom and found that every other stall is taken. It would make a hysterically funny picture. I don't know if guys do this but ladies do. When given the option I would like to say that most women will skip a stall so that there is a cushion of space between them and the next person. How awkward though when you come into the bathroom and all you can do is take a stall right in between two people? I always giggle and wonder if I'm offending them by doing this. Hey, when you've gotta go, sometimes you don't have the luxury of an extra large space bubble. Deal with it.
The Social One
Much like The Talker, the Social One has no qualms about talking in the bathroom. In fact, I do think that some women specifically plan to meet each other in the bathroom to chat. I have witnessed women standing and talking in the bathroom for as long as it takes me to get in, do my thing, wash my hands and get out. There is no couch, no where to sit, it doesn't smell very good... why not just call each other from your desk? Clearly I don't fall into this category.
The Tooter
Yes. This person will sit in their stall, thinking that their shoes are invisible or having no shame what-so-ever and toot. Sometimes very loud, sometimes very long. Now I know that there are somethings that you can't control but for the love, just wait a moment until the only other person has exited the bathroom before you rip 'em!
The Rebel
This is not a good thing. Don't look at this title and say "yeah thats me" before you finish reading the description. The rebel does not abide by normal bathroom etiquette. The rebel will not wash their hands (disgusting and germ spreading) among other inappropriate behaviors. I refuse to give this type of person any more description because people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom in a public place wont get anymore of my time.


I'm sure there are more, and feel free to add if you want but I will leave you with this list (which i first read freshman year of college and ended up on the floor laughing) of funny and bad things to do in the bathroom if you feel so daring:

Complement people on their shoes.

Grunt loudly for 60 seconds and drop a watermelon in the bowl from 10 feet.

Yell “On no, my fish!”

Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with bodily noise

Scream " Oh my GOD! What is THAT?"

Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

Say, "Dang, this water's cold."

Say, "Now how did that get there?"

Sing show tunes

Beg passerbies for toilet paper, when you get some, ask for more

"Y'all better not light any matches in here for awhile"

Drop a marble in the toilet and say "oh no not my monocle!"

Say, "D***, I knew that drain hole was a too small. What am I gonna do now?

What? I didn’t have any corn!

Sneeze, burp, and fart all at the same time

Drop a D size bra on the ground and sing "Born free"

Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

Yell "Who does #2 work for?!"

Have a great day and lets all try to practice some good bathroom etiquette.