Lately my life seems to be all black and white. Anyone who knows me well knows that I live in the gray.
When I live in the gray, I can fly by the seat of my pants. I make light commitments so that if I can't handle something or I need desperately to do something else, I can. It helps me to feel free and not confined to expectations or limits.
Now that I've been living in the black and white, I'm finding it isn't as horrible as I thought and I can schedule some free time *which, to me, feels like the epitome of an oxymoron*. Some of the b&w has been thrust upon me and is not in my control. One of the biggest things for me is family and friends going through big life changes *marriage, babies, houses, moving...etc*. I've been feeling un-needed lately. I do need to mention though that I don't feel un-wanted. I can see and feel my family and friends making efforts to keep me involved in their lives and I love and appreciate that more than I can express.
I've got some big things coming up. Life changing decisions and I pray for the strength to meet them head on and power through. I get stopped up when I need to make big decisions because I wait and wait for someone to help me decide. At some point i'll learn and be comfortable in the fact that I only need God and my own instincts, and that both are trustworthy.
Here's to living in the black and white and gray.
oh wow. that's a tough thing. i distinctly remember going through a stage of my life when i was used to everything being black and white (morals, values, etc...) and suddenly i couldn't put things that happened to me into clear black or white boxes and i was forced to think through things more abstractly. but i think it's possible to go too far in either direction (either too concrete, or too abstract). so i love that you last line said, "here's to living in the black and white and gray" - because that's truly what it's about i think. that compromise between mindsets.
ReplyDeleteokay wow. i got carried away.
loved your post? :)
xoxo